Hi! Congratulations on your engagement or marriage! Being married comes with so many benefits! We want to be sure we do all we can to have a healthy happy marriage. Here are some tips to help you find the red flags in our parent's marriage so you can choose something different. If you feel safe and that you both are in a good place to ask and answer these questions jump right in! Remember to take breaks as needed and to not be judgmental towards either party's early child experiences regarding marriage. If your parents were not married you can answer the questions based off of he relationships you saw them have if they had any. If you did not see a relationship from those that raised you, you can still answer the questions based off any experiences you had. If you do not feel safe to ask and answer these questions please seek help from a professional in your area and skip the exercise. Now, if you are ready, let's dive in!

1. Describe your parent's marriage

How would you describe your parent's marriage? Some have described their parent's marriage as a nightmare, roller coaster ride, beautiful, or incredible. There is no wrong answer and we are mindful that this is just your understanding of what your parents shared.

Next, ask each other, how would you like our marriage to be described? What does it take for us to get there?

2. What did you not like about your parent's marriage?

It is important to identify and talk about what you did not like so you can work towards stopping the pattern. We take what we saw (whether we like it or not) with us from our early home into our new home, BUT it doesn't have to be this way. Take some time and discuss what you did not like about their relational dynamic. Remember, take breaks as needed and if it is overwhelming stop the exercise and try again later. If it is too overwhelming stop the exercise all-together and seek help from a professional in your area.

You can check out our series on amazon for more information on premarital tips!

3. What part of your parent's marriage would be a deal breaker for you if it occurred in your marriage?

Having conversations about what you did not like and what you do not want for your marriage, you can use these red flags to identify any deal breakers. A deal breaker does not always automatically mean it has to end (it can) but it usually means we need to work on this ASAP because I do not want this ever!

For more premarital tips and exercises grab our book Do I available on Amazon.

Thank you so much for taking the time to work on your relationship and for stopping by. Take good care and all the best to you in your marriage!