Hi!

One thing scapegoats are not allowed to have is boundaries. Scapegoats live with lots of boundaries and rules, but they are not their own. This is one area that is unchartered for a scapegoat. When scapegoats begin to wake up and learn about boundaries it can feel scary to try and set some, but it is boundaries that make all the difference in someone leaving their scapegoat role.

Boundaries don't just magically get scapegoat free, but they do help a scapegoat to see more clearly and this is what brings clarity to the scapegoat which does give them strength to leave their scapegoat role. Boundaries can reveal who loves, cares, and respects you. Here are three things that can happen when the scapegoat sets boundaries...

1. They May Try to Punish You

Punishment can come in many forms and it is usually designed to teach you a lesson. Sometimes the lesson is, "How dare you, don't ever do this again", and "this" is have a boundary. Punishment can be things like withholding affection and attention. raging on you, shaming you, etc. Punishment feels terrible and can be effective at getting the scapegoat to acquiesce and remove the boundary. However, once the scapegoat learns about punishment and boundaries they can learn to hold their ground in safe way.

Check out this video learn a simple model on how to set and hold boundaries.

2. They May Leave

If a scapegoat sets boundaries the tormentor may realize the game is up and you're not playing anymore and they may leave. They can leave as a form of punishment or because you just became too much work for them. This is a good thing, if you not allowing someone to control and you use anymore means they are going to leave.. then they need to leave.

You can read more about how to be A Scapegoat No More Forever in my book

3. They May Change Their Behavior Towards You And Respect Your Boundary

The way someone responds to your boundary says a lot about them and also how they are towards you. People who have respect will respect your boundary because they are a respectful person and they are showing you respect. Conversely, someone who does not respect your boundary is not showing you respect. If you let them know that you do not like what they are doing to you, or how what is happening is hurting you in some form or fashion and they continue... they are revealing how much they care about you. Someone who cares about you will care if you are hurting, scared, or being treated poorly. There really is no way around this. They don't have to understand or agree with you to be able to respect that you are setting a boundary around something that is not good for you.

Check out this video to learn more about When A Scapegoat Sets a Boundary

Scapegoat, your boundary will reveal who respects, loves, and cares for you. If you are punished or abandoned for setting a boundary this is not okay. Everyone has a right to their boundaries and so do you.

Thank you for taking the time to read the blog.

Take good care, all the best to you!